sean_tait (sean_tait) wrote,
sean_tait
sean_tait

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PREPARE FOR ORGY!

I just can’t stay on a schedule.

We saw “300” yesterday. Like the comic book it so closely copies, it is frequently ahistorical and (probably subconsciously) bigoted. The philosophic underpinnings of the work are, frankly, a mess. Nonetheless, I was on the edge of my seat with excitement the whole film. It’s just so gorgeous, violent, and sexy… I now have a big man-crush on Spartan Legolas (if you’ve seen the film, I think you can guess who I mean, and it’s not Faramir).

(You know, the last movie I enjoyed this much was “Casino Royale,” which shares much of the same flaws and philosophy. I must admit that at a visceral level I am an unreformed male.)

“Sexy” is an important adjective in describing “300.” Like “Sin City,” the film wallows in… unconventional… sexuality (though, unlike “Sin City,” the most extreme of the non-conformists are not the protagonists). During the love scene between King Leonidas and Queen Gorgo (preceded by a bare-ass panorama of Gerard Butler) there is much bare-breastedness and what is undoubtedly doggy-style lovin’ (not approved by Jesus last time a Christian authority spoke), but the sex really takes off when the villains are on the screen. The temptation of Ephialtes is lushly freakish. When the credits include roles for “Armless Concubine” and three different transsexuals, then you know you’ve just seen a hard “R.”

So I’m amazed there were so many families with prepubescent boys and tweenaged girls in attendance. I hope that a lot of dads who insisted on going to the movie they insisted on had long, uncomfortable talks with their children and wives afterwards.

Bwah-ha-ha!

Anyway, I’ve mainly been working on game materials and most of what I’ve actually typed has been race and class conversions from AD&D 2nd Edition to Cinematic Unisystem. Because I still need to work on class conversions, I’m going to post the racial qualities I created. The attribute limits are taken from C.J. Carella’s unofficial conversion guide (and I’m going to have to tweak them further because dwarves just plain aren’t stronger than humans), but the rest is essentially mine. I wish I had more genuine writing to display, but I’m trying to create a situation where the work I do now will make it easier to do real writing in the future. My goal is to get the conversion ruleset in place so I can then start stealing the world-building materials (the hardest part of any game, especially given the way mine sprawl out of control) from all of the dozens of Forgotten Realms books I received out of storage.

Anyway (again), here it is.

THE STANDARD RACES

Dwarf – 5 Point Racial Quality

Dwarves are a race of grumpy (and occasionally sneezy but rarely dopey) short hairy people that look like miniaturized versions of Brian Blessed or John Rhys-Davies. They enjoy mining for precious metals, smithing precious metals into weapons, and killing orcs with weapons made of precious metals.

Dwarves gain a Constitution bonus of +1. They possess the Qualities Long-Lived, Resistance: Magic +1, Resistance: Poison (and Alcohol) +1, and Supernatural Senses (Nightvision) allowing them to see in near-darkness without range penalties up to 60,’ but also receive the Drawbacks Charisma -2 and Short. Their initial languages can include common, dwarf, gnome, goblin, hobgoblin, kobold and orc. They have a +2 Knack in Craft to analyze mines and stonework to detect the depth underground, grade or slope in the passage, new passage or tunnel construction, shifting or sliding rooms or walls, and stonework deadfalls, pits, and traps.

Dwarves can take up to 3 levels of the Age Quality and are prime candidates for the Drawbacks Addiction (Heavy Drinking and Smoking), Covetous: Greedy, Humorless, and Paranoid.

Attribute Maximums: Str 8, Dex 5, Con 8, Int 6, Per 6, Wil 6.

Elf – 7 Point Racial Quality

Elves are a race of beautiful, sexually ambiguous immortals with pointy ears played by rock star’s daughters and hot, hot Brits. They enjoy composing poetry and songs, frolicking in the woods, and killing orcs.

Elves gain a Dexterity bonus of +1 but suffer a Constitution penalty of -1. They possess the Qualities Attractiveness +1, Immortal, Resistance: Mind-Control and Sleep Magic +2, and Supernatural Senses (Nightvision) allowing them to see in near-darkness without range penalties up to 60.’ Their initial languages can include common, elf, gnoll, gnome, goblin, halfling, hobgoblin, and orc. They gain the following Knacks:
Melee: +1 when using a long or short sword
Missile: +1 when using a long or short bow
Notice: +1 to spot concealed and hidden doors
Stealth: +1 when unencumbered by metal armor and accompanied only by elves, half-
elves, or Halflings.

Elves can take up to 10 levels of the Age Quality (though they’re usually sick to death of humans by that point and sail off to Elf Florida as soon as they can) and frequently possess Iron Mind.

Attribute Maximums: Str 5, Dex 8, Con 5, Int 8, Per 8, Wil 8.

Gnome – 5 Point Racial Quality

Gnomes live in well-kept (yet oddly tacky) gardens where they dispense travel advice. They enjoy cavorting with bunnies, casting illusion spells, and killing goblins and kobolds because they can only reach orcs’ knees.

Gnomes gain an Intelligence bonus of +1 but they’re kind of dense and also suffer a Perception penalty of -1. They possess the Qualities Long-Lived, Resistance: Magic +1, and Supernatural Senses (Nightvision) allowing them to see in near-darkness without range penalties up to 60,’ but also receive the Drawback Short. Their initial languages can include common, dwarf, gnome, goblin, halfling, kobold and small burrowing mammal (seriously; they can talk to badgers, bunnies, weasels, etc.). They have a +2 Knack in Craft to analyze mines and stonework to detect the depth underground, grade or slope in the passage, new passage or tunnel construction, shifting or sliding rooms or walls, and stonework deadfalls, pits, and traps. They also have a +2 Knack in Occultism for casting illusion spells.

Gnomes can take up to 3 levels of the Age Quality and frequently suffer from the Drawbacks Clown and Misfit. Nobody likes gnomes because they weren’t in The Lord of the Rings.

Attribute Maximums: Str 4, Dex 6, Con 7, Int 7, Per 6, Wil 6.

Half-Elf – 5 Point Racial Quality

Half-elves are the children of unions between elves and humans (apparently elves aren’t cross-fertile with dwarves and halflings) and are usually more rugged or voluptuous in their sexiness than their elfin parent. They enjoy composing poetry and songs about their pain and loneliness as half-breeds, contemplating their pain and loneliness in forest glades, and taking out their pain and loneliness on orcs.

Half-elves don’t gain any Attribute bonuses or penalties. They possess the Qualities Attractiveness +1, Long-Lived, Resistance: Mind-Control and Sleep Magic +1, and Supernatural Senses (Nightvision) allowing them to see in near-darkness without range penalties up to 60.’ Their initial languages can include common, elf, gnoll, gnome, goblin, halfling, hobgoblin, and orc. They gain the following Knacks:
Notice: +1 to spot concealed and hidden doors
Stealth: +1 when unencumbered by metal armor and accompanied only by elves, half-elves, or Halflings.

Half-elves are typically conceived as loners, torn between their dual natures, destined to outlive all their human friends and family but pass away in an eyeblink compared to their inevitable elven lovers. They can take up to 5 levels of the Age Quality and are predisposed to the Drawbacks Emotional Problems: Fear of Commitment or Fear of Rejection, Humorless, Misfit, and Tragic Love.

Attribute Maximums: Str 6, Dex 7, Con 5, Int 7, Per 6, Wil 6.

Halfling – 5 Point Racial Quality

Halflings (or Hobbits, as they’re called when you don’t have to worry about copyright infringement) are short, jolly people who smoke a lot of (pipe)weed and suffer constantly from the munchies. Somehow they wind up getting dragged out on adventures all the time, even though they’re comparatively useless. They’re the Shaggies and Scoobies of fantasy. And they don’t hate orcs so much.

Halflings gain a Dexterity bonus of +1 and suffer a Strength penalty of -1. They possess the Qualities Resistance: Magic +1, Resistance: Poison (and Alcohol) +1, and Supernatural Senses (Nightvision) allowing them to see in near-darkness without range penalties up to 30,’ but also receive the Drawback Short. Their initial languages can include common, dwarf, elf, gnome, goblin, halfling, and orc. They have a +1 Knack in Missile for slings and throwing weapons and a +1 Knack in Notice to tell whether an underground passage is sloping up or down.

Halflings can take 1 level of the Age Quality, but then they’ll be really, really old even for a halfling. They frequently possess the Drawbacks Addiction (Heavy Drinking and Smoking), Clown, and Covetous: Greedy.

Attribute Maximums: Str 3, Dex 9, Con 7, Int 6, Per 6, Wil 6.

Human – 0 Point Racial Quality

If you are reading this, then you are a human. I hope you know what special powers humans have: none. Humans do occasionally breed with orcs.

Cast Member Humans can’t take any levels of the Age Quality without special dispensation. They are more likely to possess Psionics than most other races.

Attribute Maximums:* Str 6, Dex 6, Con 6, Int 6, Per 6, Wil 6.
*Fantasy hero humans can exceed 6 in one Attribute chosen during creation.

NON-STANDARD RACES (Require Director Approval)

Drow – 12 Point Racial Quality

Drow are the Gothic-Punk bad boys and girls of fantasy. Dressed in black leather and
silver chain mail, these dark-skinned subterranean elves like to hang out in BD/S&M clubs and bitch about their surface-world cousins. They’re sexy, but they’re seriously messed up.

Drow gain a Dexterity bonus of +1 (and can have a score up to 7) but suffer a Constitution penalty of -1. They possess the Qualities Attractiveness +1, Immortal, Resistance: Magic +5, and Supernatural Senses (Nightvision) allowing them to see in near-darkness without range penalties up to 120’ (suck it, surface-dwellers!) Their initial languages can include common, drow, duergar, dwarf, elf, gnome, goblin, hobgoblin, illithid, orc, svirfneblin, and Undercommon (the hand-signals and pidgin trade “language” of the Underdark). They gain the following Knacks: Melee: +1 when using a long or short sword; Missile: +1 when using a drow crossbow; Notice: +1 to spot concealed and hidden doors; Stealth: +1 when unencumbered by metal armor and accompanied only by elves, half-elves, or Halflings.

All drow also receive 1 level of Sorcery, but instead of Telekinesis, they receive the following innate, spell-like abilities which can all only be used once per day:
Dancing Lights – The caster conjures 1 to 4 (depending on the caster’s will) will o’ the wisp-like gouts of mystic flame that burn harmlessly and cast weak, lantern-like glows up to 40’ away. The effect lasts 2 minutes per success level.
Faerie Fire – Similar to the above, but the harmless flame is designated at a specific target which is then outlined by a nimbus of pale light. In darkness or twilight conditions, this then grants +1 to hit that target. This effect lasts 4 minutes per success level. Even magical darkness (such as the spell below) will not hide the target.
Sphere of Darkness – Just like the name says, this creates a sphere of impenetrable magical darkness at any point within the caster’s line of sight at a distance of up to 10’ per success level. It lasts for 10 minutes plus 1 minute per success level. The default radius for the sphere is 15,’ but can be decreased according to the whim of the caster or increased by trading off distance or duration at a ratio of 1 success level’s worth for 5’ of radius.

Drow are very sensitive to bright lights, and suffer a -2 penalty to all rolls when in the presence of sunlight or magical light spells, but not fire. They’re also all raised to be sociopaths and suffer from the Drawbacks Antisocial Impulses: Cruelty (Serious) and Deceit (Serious).

Drow can take up to 8 levels of the Age Quality (they don’t live as long as regular elves). Most drow females are priestesses of the dark goddess Lolth, and have the Zealot Drawback. In most drow cities, being male gets you the Minority Drawback.
Cast Member Drow working alongside the “good races” of the surface world will either have to buy off their Antisocial Impulses – thereby raising the cost of the Quality to 16 points – or trade off the Antisocial Impulses for other Drawbacks. Minority (-1) and Bad Reputation (-3) would do the trick. So would taking Adversary (The Entire Drow Race) at -4, the usual fate of all who flee the dark.

Drow Aristocrat – 15 Point Racial Quality

As above, but they also gain Religion +1, Resources +1, and the additional once-per-day spell-like abilities Levitate (20 yards & 1 minute per success level) and Detect Magic (within a 60’ radius for 1 minute per success level).

Attribute Maximums: Str 5, Dex 8, Con 5, Int 8, Per 8, Wil 8.

Half-Ogre – 3 Point Racial Quality

Forget “Shrek.” Ogres are cannibalistic, gigantic (but not quite Giant), and painfully stupid humanoids with a bad habit of pillaging outlying settlements. Occasionally their raids result in the birth of half-human hybrids.

Half-ogres gain a Strength and Constitution bonus of +2 each, but also suffer a -1 penalty to Intelligence. They receive 2 bonus levels of the Quality Hard to Kill in addition to any levels granted by an Occupational Quality, but they suffer from the Drawback Supernatural Form (Definitely Not Human) -- which translates as Attractiveness -2 -- and Charisma -2 on top of that. They’re at -2 to hit Short creatures because of their size. Their initial languages can include common, gnoll, ogre, orc, troll, and stone giant.

Half-ogres don’t live long enough for the Age Quality. They’ve really got very little going for them. Being a half-ogre barely doesn’t count as a Drawback.

Half-Ogre Ability Maximums: Str 9, Dex 5, Con 9, Int 4, Per 5, Wil 4.

Half-Orc – 2 Point Racial Quality

The scions of orcs and hapless humans, half-orcs are usually just barely human-enough to pass in regular civilization. They usually live on the fringes as thieves and thugs, despised by everybody.

Half-orcs gain a Strength and Constitution bonus of +1 (something about the mixed heritage makes them hardier than humans or orcs). They possess the Quality Supernatural Senses (Nightvision) allowing them to see in near-darkness without range penalties up to 60,’ but also receive the Drawbacks Attractiveness -1, Charisma -1, and Minority. Their initial languages can include common, goblin, hobgoblin, ogre, and orc.

Half-orcs don’t live long enough to qualify for the Age Quality. They’re apt to suffer from all sorts of Emotional and Mental Problem Drawbacks.

Attribute Maximums: Str 8, Dex 5, Con 8, Int 6, Per 6, Wil 6.

Orc – 3 Point Racial Quality

Generic fantasy orcs are slightly less horrible than their Tolkienesque forebears. Shorter than humans but taller than dwarves, they’re more like uncontrollable medieval Klingons than anything else. Just swap out the head-ridges for wolfish pointed ears, a snout-like nose, and pronounced canines and you’ve got a pretty normal orc.

Orcs gain a Strength bonus of +1. They possess the Quality Supernatural Senses (Nightvision) allowing them to see in near-darkness without range penalties up to 60,’ but also receive the Drawback Supernatural Form (Definitely Not Human). Their initial languages can include common, goblin, hobgoblin, ogre, and orc. They have a +2 Knack in Craft to analyze mines and stonework to detect the depth underground, grade or slope in the passage, new passage or tunnel construction, shifting or sliding rooms or walls, and stonework deadfalls, pits, and traps. They’re nocturnal, but don’t really suffer in daylight.

Cast Member Orcs are assumed to not suffer from the Antisocial Impulses toward cruelty and violence that characterize most orcs. Oddly, because orcish tribal culture is oppressively patriarchal, a disproportionate amount of orcish adventurers are adventuresses. These runaway womenfolk frequently have the Drawback Adversary (Orcs) because of the way orc males will deliberately hunt them down.

Attribute Maximums: Str 8, Dex 5, Con 8, Int 5, Per 5, Wil 6.
Tags: 300; d&d; unisystem; sex; spartan legola
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